Friday, July 23, 2010

one year and counting

So May 18 marked one year of sobriety. It's a big deal to me. I got my token and everything. Looking back though, had it not been for Addison, I probably would have hit the bottle up for another round. I mean, it's not that Aidan wasn't enough to keep me from drinking, it's just that I am a rule follower and I knew I couldn't drink while pregnant. So I took her along to my meeting to accept the token with me. The last year has been one of the hardest of my life. So many changes, heartache, heartbreak, disappointments...but there has also been the miracle of life and the development of my firstborn into a little man. I am so blessed. Really. God gave me the strength to stop drinking and He also gave me the gift of two beautiful children. Life really can't be any sweeter.

Although I am not where I want to be in love, I feel more blessed now than I ever have before. I feel closer to God than I have ever been and thank Him for what He's done to keep me sane and thriving, despite the sadness that threatens to consume me. I have two lives that depend on me everyday to provide love, guidance, discipline, and their basic needs. This gift of Aidan and Addison is God's way reaching down from heaven and touching my life and letting me know that even among the many voices that cry out, He hears mine too. With each hug, each loving gaze, each time Aidan says, "I love you mommy" out of the blue...I know, without a doubt, God is saying, "Girl, I have your back."